š® How Steam Became the King of Gaming by Doing Absolutely Nothing Lah
Epic throwing money, Ubisoft launching NFTs, EA making new launchers ā Steam just sat there, drank milk tea, and became emperor anyway.
š The Platform That Couldnāt Care Less But Still Wins
Bruh ā every few years, another āSteam killerā appears.
Every time, it dies faster than a Toronto bubble-tea shop with bad pearls.
Steam hasnāt even bothered to change fonts since 2004.
Grey UI, laggy store, random anime profile pics ā still prints money.
Meanwhile Epic acting like crypto startup:
āFREE GAME EVERY WEEK BRO!! EXCLUSIVES!! FORTNITE IN YOUR TOASTER!!ā
Then launcher freezes, CPU hits 100%, and you still canāt find the ādownloadā button.
EA renamed their launcher more times than Hong Kong changed chief executives.
Ubisoft tried NFTs. NFTs MEH. Bro, even my toaster got more utility.
Steam? Just sitting there, quietly counting rent money from every PC gamer alive.
š§ Valveās Genius Plan: Laziness as a Serviceā¢
Gabe Newell doesnāt run a company ā he runs a Buddhist temple for gamers.
No hype. No ads. No cringe influencer collabs.
Just a permanent aura of āweāll fix it later lor.ā
While other CEOs doing keynote speeches about metaverse bullsh*t,
GabeN somewhere in New Zealand eating steak, shipping the Steam Deck,
and watching the competition implode one PowerPoint at a time.
Thatās not management ā thatās dim-sum Taoism.
šø Steam Sales = Cantonese Black Magic
Every sale cycle the same thing happens:
āI wonāt buy this time.ā
Five minutes later ā library +10, wallet ā$200.
Valve invented psychological warfare that makes Hong Kong aunties look like amateurs.
Itās dopamine, nostalgia, and poverty all rolled into one āAdd to Cartā button.
During Summer Sale 2025, Steam made more cash in a weekend than Ubisoft in a year and Epic in a dream.
Why? Because we trust Steam more than we trust our governments.
We know theyāll crash sometimes ā but they never scam us lah.
š The Competition: Try-Hard Edition
Everyone else spent millions trying to be ādifferent.ā
Valve just stayed lazy ā and lazy wins when the rest are stupid lah.
š§© Pok Gai Analysis: The Unholy Trinity of Failure
Epic tried to buy loyalty with freebies.
EA tried to rebrand their incompetence.
Ubisoft tried to out-blockchain Bitcoin and still lost money.
Steam did nothing.
Literally nothing.
And now Epic CEO Tim Sweeney wakes up at 3 a.m. hearing the Steam notification sound like Vietnam flashback.
š GabeN = The Chill Dictator We Deserve
Gamers treat him like religious figure.
No tweets. No NFTs. No lies.
Just discounts and memes.
Valve is like a Hong Kong Cha Chaan Teng:
kinda dirty, always open, same menu since forever, but if you close it, the city riots.
Thatās Steam. Thatās the culture.
š§± Pok Gai Verdict
Steam won because they let everyone else implode.
Itās the lazy student who never studies but still gets A ācause classmates set fire to school.
They didnāt follow trends, didnāt sell souls to AI NFT web3 nonsense.
They just said āeh discount again lorā and printed money.
Steam is the last honest scam in gaming.
You pay for peace, procrastination, and hope.
And we love it lah.
š¬ FAQ
1ļøā£ Why does Steam still dominate PC gaming in 2025 lah?
Because every competitor acts like startup bro on Red Bull. Steam just keeps working, keeps cheap, keeps quiet lor.
2ļøā£ Is Valve lazy or smart meh?
Both lor. Smart enough to know lazy is the meta.
3ļøā£ Will anyone beat Steam aiya?
Unless Gabe Newell sells to EA or dies from too much milk tea, no chance.